when you connect w another genderqueer/trans SWer with a really similar mental health history to yours <3

i know some older lgbt folks don’t care for the term “queer” simply because of its history as a slur, which i totally get and is totally valid. for me, queer was a word i rarely heard growing up - in my family and community, the slurs that were leveled against people like us were mostly “gay” and “fag.” (gay women were always called lesbians but were sexualized more often than they were seen as an actual threat, which was not the case for gay and/or effeminate men).

which is another reason why i mostly have used “queer” in the past, and not just because it’s a much better descriptor for me, personally. 

i like being mad about things that aren’t happening at the moment. just mad at the potential for stupid things.

i fucking hate getting scratched, especially with short fingernails, during sex. i hate it hate it hate it.

i also hate having my ears touched or gnawed on or slobbered on or licked but especially bitten.

nothing kills the mood faster.



For real.

damn Mikey i’ve gotta follow you on twitter!



For real.

damn Mikey i’ve gotta follow you on twitter!

(via wargasmmm)

"well, you know what they do to rapists in prison"

i think the first time i consciously questioned the prison industrial complex was when i was 15 or 16 (later than for a lot of people, i’m sure. i’m white and grew up in communities where it wasn’t common to know people who’d been imprisoned).

when the man who tried to rape my developmentally disabled sister was arrested and eventually convicted, people tried to comfort our family by reminding us that he would probably be sexually assaulted in prison. he was also undocumented, and was slated for deportation after his sentence, and people mentioned to this, too. like, his “sin” of being undocumented was so casually elided with the fact that he was a dirty fucking scumbag piece of shit rapist.

and i realized, at 15 or 16, that hearing that shit didn’t make me feel better. i couldn’t be happy that this man was going to get raped because that meant that there were other people in prison getting raped, too, maybe people who hadn’t done anything, or maybe people who had, but did that mean they deserve it? 

and him being deported — why was that a good thing? so he could pose a threat to girls in another country? no one seemed concerned about the fact that there are disabled girls in mexico, too, and that maybe he’d have the opportunity to hurt them. and why was it so bad to want to come to the USA, anyway? wasn’t it the american dream to pursue a better life for oneself? i didn’t know much about prison or the (ostensible) purpose of it, but i knew that rehabilitation of any kind probably wasn’t on the table.

i was confused. what purpose did any of this serve? who did it help? certainly not my sister, whose testimony was only taken seriously because my mom basically mobilized all of her white middle-class resources to capitalize on and emphasize my sister’s sweetness and innocence, characteristics which aren’t often afforded to more marginalized disabled women and people. my mom wrote my sister’s testimony for her and read it aloud in court, and i have no doubt that it worked because the narrative of “sweet, virginal, disabled girl gets assaulted by brown undocumented man” worked for people, and that it’s translation by my neurotypical mother made it palatable, made it acceptable, made it real.

who did it help? certainly not the rapist’s family, who probably at least partially depended on his income , and were exposed to the cops and thus made more vulnerable to deportation, etc., because of his arrest.

who did it help? where were those cops when every other disabled woman i know, through my sister and through my work in assisted living, got raped or assaulted or abused? they didn’t do shit. no one did.

who did the cops help? who did prison help?


nobody was made safer, or better, or healthier. no justice was served. 

a few years later, when my very anti-statist boyfriend told me about angela davis and her work in the prison abolition movement, i was completely blown away by the concept. i was so incredibly out of my depth — i couldn’t imagine an alternative to prison as i knew it — but i also had this deep, gut feeling that she was absolutely right, and that she carried this truth that i would never have seen without her and people like her. 

post dull & charming things about personal sex life = lose followers

i’d say i’m totally not interested in straight men now but then again i don’t want to rule out john cho

it’s funny because i always thought i’d have them to fall back on, if only for sex. “straight men are so stupid and their personalities are so shitty but, you know, i’m the mayor of bisexual bonetown.” but maybe i’m not even capable of that anymore.

i suppose there is one notable exception, but the exception proves the rule and anyway he broke my heart so that precludes him from the category, i suppose

now that i think about it, the best dom/mes i’ve subbed for have all been queer people. gay cis men, bi genderqueers, queer femme ladies - i’ve had some great experiences subbing for other queer and trans folks.

not sure why i find this surprising

while we’re on the subject of straight men, i actually bailed on a date i had with a straight guy tonight because i…just…can’t.

maybe it’s something that’s developed with becoming a sex worker, or getting deeper into a dyke/lez identity, or because of my sexual assault last year, but the sexual encounters i’ve had with straight &or cis men have been mostly negative [more negative than usual] for a while now.

like, i either just do that thing where i check the fuck out (esp if there’s a kink element, although i haven’t played with many male doms who know what they’re doing [and in fact the best domme i’ve ever had the pleasure of bottoming for is a queer woman bc duh]), or i have a panic attack and leave right in the middle. 

i was actually excited about seeing this guy but then had a moment of panic this morning and shut everything down.


Prohibitionists are to sex workers what men who want to give women pleasure are to women: it’s the prerogative of the privileged not to care about the preferences of the oppressed but they can at least have the decency to not fancy it up as “for our benefit”.

this makes me think of those straight men who are fixated on giving you an orgasm whether or not you want one, or can have one, because in their eyes, hetero PIV sex doesn’t count (=reaffirm their str8 masculinitiy) otherwise

just found out my bestie in bali is getting married to her jr high boyfriend #cuteness

queer. white. dfab. rehab. standing tw & cw for kink, mental illness, and bodies